Ask the Experts: Kalmer Kids on helping an anxious child with mindfulness approaches

Kalmer Kids founder Natasha Bartlett on how practical mindfulness training can help reduce the anxiety of unfamiliar situations for very young chilcren

Q: My son, aged four, is usually happy, but gets quite anxious when things go wrong or he feels outside his comfort zone. A friend has suggested mindfulness. How does this work for young children and what are the benefits?

A: If your usually happy child sometimes gets anxious, mindfulness can really help. It’s a gentle, practical way of supporting children to notice their feelings, and to find calm and confidence when things feel tricky. With young children, mindfulness works in two ways – by teaching them calming tools they can use themselves, and by adults modelling those same skills in everyday life.

The first part is teaching children practical, playful techniques. When children learn these early, it gives them something that stays with them for life: an ability to understand and manage their feelings, and approach challenges with more kindness, both for themselves and others.

Something as simple as ‘rock stars’ – clenching fists tightly and then releasing into open, star-shaped hands – helps children release tension from their bodies and that calms anxious thoughts. A calming jar is another favourite. When children shake the glitter inside, it’s like their swirling thoughts and feelings, and then they watch it settle as they take slow breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. It’s a really visual way of showing them how their own minds can settle too.

Because language is still quite abstract for young children, it helps to use pictures and colours to talk about feelings. For example, they might say they feel ‘red’ when they’re angry and want to turn ‘green’ to feel calmer. This makes emotions more concrete and easier to understand, also building emotional literacy.

There are also lovely ways to build positive self-talk. Repeating simple phrases like, ‘I am brave, strong, kind, and full of love’, with some fun actions, helps children practise talking to themselves kindly instead of critically. Another gentle tool is cuddly toy meditation. Placing a soft toy on their tummy and watching it rise and fall with each breath can be really settling, especially at bedtime.

The second part of mindfulness is about what children see in adults around them. They copy us more than we sometimes realise. If, as a parent or carer, we can take a breath, slow down, and show calm during a stressful moment, children learn from that. Even saying out loud, ‘I’m taking a deep breath to help me feel calm’, before responding to a tricky situation can be so powerful. It shows children that these tools actually work, and that everyone needs to practise them.

Mindfulness benefits for children are wide-ranging. They gradually become more able to notice and manage their emotions, bounce back more easily from stressful situations, and feel more confident. They also develop more compassion, towards themselves and others, and with a set of practical tools they can keep building on as they grow.

At Kalmer Kids, our camps and events focus on teaching children these tools in a playful, engaging way. Alongside that, we support parents through workshops with our KALM framework, so they can use the approaches at home. When children experience both playful practice for themselves, and calm guidance from adults they’re much more likely to take these skills on board. Mindfulness becomes something that they carry with them, helping them feel secure, calm, and confident in who they are.

Kalmer Kids kalmerkids.com

Further reading: Teen Tips on supporting a teenager through a tricky patch