Pangbourne College on building resilience through failure

The Head of Pangbourne College Oliver Knight on why we need to let young people take ownership of mistakes, and even to fail, so that they develop resilience

With a new academic year underway, many schools and families are asking the same question: ‘How do we best prepare young people for the world they will inherit?’. At a time of rapid change, digital distraction and growing pressures – from academics to social life, global competition to automation – one quality consistently marks out those who thrive, and that is resilience.

Resilience is the ability to respond to setbacks, endure difficulty and persist in the face of challenge. And resilience does not simply appear. It is built, day by day, moment by moment and, very often, failure by failure. At its heart lies ownership. Young people must learn to take responsibility for their actions, decisions and growth if they are to flourish in adulthood.

Too often, educational success is measured only by exam results or university entry. Yet research shows that many young people who excel academically struggle once they step into higher education or the workplace. The issue is not intelligence but resilience. Without the ability to adapt, manage setbacks, and self-regulate, the transition to independence can be overwhelming.

At Pangbourne College, we have made ‘Taking Responsibility and Building Resilience’ a guiding theme for the year. This reflects two powerful ideas: Extreme Ownership, from Jocko Willink’s book of the same name, and Steve Magness’s Do Hard Things, which argues that resilience is not innate but developed through exposure to challenge and difficulty. These are not motivational slogans but practical principles for shaping young people of character, strength, and purpose.

“Resilience does not simply appear. It is built, day by day, moment by moment and, very often, failure by failure”

Building resilience requires a partnership between schools and families. Teachers can challenge and encourage students, but parents play an equally vital role at home. That is why we are communicating the same message to parents. Rescuing children too often or too quickly can undermine their development. Trusting the process, rather than fixing things is key. Allowing them to experience discomfort, and supporting them in taking ownership, are important.

But consistency matters. Students are quick to spot mixed messages. If they sense that someone will lower the bar, excuse behaviour, or quietly tidy up after them, the lessons of responsibility will not stick. Parents and staff must support one another in holding the line – with kindness, yes, but also with conviction.

Let’s acknowledge something openly – this is not easy. Holding students accountable, allowing them to fail, resisting the rescue, goes against many of our instincts as educators and parents. It requires patience, emotional restraint, and a commitment to long-term growth over short-term comfort.

Yet every time we choose not to intervene, when it would be easier to fix the problem ourselves, we signal trust in the student’s potential. Every time we allow a consequence to land, we reinforce the belief that actions matter. Every time we step back and coach rather than rescue, we help build the resilience that will carry the young person far beyond school.

Ultimately, the mission is not simply to produce academic excellence or secure university places. It is to prepare our children to thrive in an imperfect world – to lead, serve, endure, and take responsibility for their lives and actions. If we want our young people to flourish, we need to encourage responsibility, normalise challenge and embrace resilience as a gift. Together, parents and schools can ensure students leave not only well-educated but equipped to thrive in life.

Pangbourne College pangbourne.com

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